the longest night
Winter solstice reflections on grief, loss and love
*Content warning: traumatic loss and grief*
For the past month and a half, I have been swimming the depths of grief. On November 4th, 2022, a sudden and brutal car accident took my youngest sister Maricela from the earthly realm. I loved her more than words can express. She was my first and truest inspiration. Everything I am today, is directly related to who she has been to me, and who I am to her.
The path of the wounded healer means I have experienced incapacitating loss and trauma many times before, but this feels like the worst of it. I was not in any way ready to say goodbye to Mari. Grief moves cumulatively - such that we continue to grieve past losses with new ones. So, in my sister’s eyes, I see my mothers’ and my grandmothers’ looking at me from the ancestral realm. Maiden, Mother, Crone. All three of the most powerful, beloved women in my life are now on the other side.
My ancestral practices give me avenues for grieving, processing and sustaining love and hope while traversing this emotional hell. Despite the enforced isolation of this capitalist dystopia, grief was always meant to be shared. Think about it - grief is the embodiment of the pain we feel when we lose a beloved connection. It is inherently about the collective and we need each other powerfully when we grieve.
If you’d like to hear about how I am navigating the heavy tides of grief, check the bottom of this newsletter for my piece entitled, "transformative grieving.”
Upcoming offerings & invitations
Overall, I have radically reduced my workload to make space for embodied grief, rest and healthful parenting. Occasional workshops are lovely reminders of community, healing and brilliance :) That said, join me in community on Saturday, Jan 14th for one of my favorite community workshops entitled “Reimagining Resilience.”
This workshop offers a balance of decolonial perspectives and embodied practices to heal and restore our minds, bodies and spirits as we embark on 2023.
Register here: Reimagining Resilience Tickets, Sat, Jan 14, 2023 at 11:30 AM | Eventbrite
I hope to share sacred space with you soon :)
Mutual Aid: Would you like to support me or my family right now? I am always accepting monetary support towards my personal or professional work via Venmo: Candice-Rose- 5.
I am running a fundraiser for my sister’s son Tremil here: GoFundMe.
The support of community donors has been absolutely invaluable. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
bonus offering: transformative grieving
for the healers and grievers
Grief is a full-time job for the body soul heart mind.
Unravel, dismember, collapse. The center cannot hold when it’s missing vital pieces.
Trust where the remaining pieces fall. A new structure will eventually grow from what remains and what evolves.
Find the Flow. Feelings are neither to be forced nor fled from. Be with what arises, as it arises. The body and bones have their own magic. Your job is to support the process, not control it.
Life changing questions to ask your Self: Can I love myself through this? Can I let myself be loved through this?
Remember your resources. Feed your grief in small doses so it has what it needs to evolve, grow, soften and expand into the embodied wisdom that is its true destiny. some ideas:
short walks to remind your body soul that you still exist within the circle of life
nutritious meals to fuel the earth suit, as much as feels good in your body
lots of water - grief needs so much water to flow.
Chats with friends who are easy to talk to and let you be just as you are. Avoid people who try to fix you, silence you, put you to work or force you into the old shape of yourself before the loss.
Reach out for the supports you need - financial, spiritual, emotional, or physical. Don’t be shy - again, grief is COMMUNAL. The loss of a life is truly all of our responsibility to honor, grieve and repair one another.
Reach inside for the inner wisdom to guide you through. Tap into your journaling, prayer, song, meditation or creative arts practices to express the things that resist being told.
It’s okay to have days where you just carry on. But keep the door to Grief unlocked. She will surely have more to say all of your life. Don’t be surprised when she knocks again. Grief’s other name is Love. The same love you lost is the love that will carry you on. Because it was always in You.